Division Coordinator as Mediator

From time to time, there are disagreements and differences of opinion among parents, coaches, referees and even players.  When these disagreements happen, Division Coordinators can play an important role in helping to resolve these differences.  Division Coordinators are often thought of as mediators.

What does it take to be a good Division Coordinator and mediator?  It takes self-confidence, patience, tolerance, open-mindedness, listening skills and a sense of fairness to mediate differences and resolve conflicts – to help everyone enjoy the game. It takes leadership, management, and strong communication, administrative and organizational skills to coordinate an age group or division. But most of all, it takes a happy, energetic and optimistic team player to help a Region deliver the best AYSO soccer experience possible.

Division Coordinator as Mediator

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

The simple truth is most people do not believe they are being difficult.  The key is to try and understand why they are being difficult to deal with.

What makes people difficult? The reason usually falls into one of these categories:

• Someone wants something you can’t give them.

• Someone wants something you won’t give them.

• Someone refuses to listen.

• Someone makes threats; is disruptive and abusive.

• Someone violates AYSO governing rules or commits an illegal act.

• Someone takes a problem to the wrong individual.

SOMEONE WANTS SOMETHING YOU CAN’T GIVE THEM

Generally speaking, these situations arise out of a lack of understanding about a policy or procedure. The best remedy is to listen patiently to the concerns, investigate the source of conflict, determine if there are alternatives available and take the opportunity to explain the policy, guideline or procedure. It pays to know the answer to the question, “Where does it say…?” in AYSO’s governing documents and policies.

Some common examples of situations when an individual cannot be given what he/she wants might include:

• Parents want two sons ages 9 and 14 on the same team. (National Rules & Regulations)

• Parents want child to play with newly pierced ears. (Laws of the Game)

• Parent wants to coach but refuses to provide a Social Security Number for a background check (AYSO Criminal Background Check Policy – Chapter 9, AYSO Reference Book)

• Coach wants to modify reduce minimum playing time for players who miss practice. (AYSO’s Six Philosophes, National Rules & Regulations)

• Referee will not let a player on field with new baseball cleats. (Laws of the Game)

SOMEONE WANTS SOMETHING YOU WON’T GIVE THEM

There may be situations or requests that may not be already defined or addressed by a specific policy or statement. These situations may require understanding the spirit and intent of policies and may require decisions that must be made to protect the integrity of the AYSO program whether it’s in support of the six philosophies, participant safety or simply in the interest of fair play.

Consider what decisions should be made when:

• A coach wants to keep an entire team together the next season versus AYSO’s philosophy of Balanced Teams.

• A parent demands a full refund in the second week of season. Is it a question of good will/customer satisfaction versus out-ofpocket expenses?

• A coach wants two assistant coaches with children who have been on his team the last two years. Coaches rarely show up for practices. What are the Regions policies for team formation?

SOMEONE TAKES A PROBLEM TO THE WRONG INDIVIDUAL

There are many reasons why people take a problem to someone else. It may be because they didn’t like an answer they received and want to make sure the answer was correct or it may be simply because they didn’t know who to contact. In any case, contacting the wrong person will generally add to someone’s frustration when they cannot resolve their problem. Examples of situations that can be elongated by contacting the wrong person for resolution include:

• Coach calls the AD because he/she is not happy with the referee at his league championship defining game.

• Parent calls the AYSO Office for her daughter’s team assignment.

• Parent complains to referee about her son’s coach.

• Parent calls Regional Commissioner to find out child’s game schedule.

• Parent demands refund from the AYSO Office.

SOMEONE REFUSES TO LISTEN

Sometimes, people are just hard of hearing.  Sometimes they just won’t take “no” for an answer. In either case, the conflict created by this breakdown in communications can be extremely frustrating and ignoring the problem will not make the problem go away:

• A coach will not stay in technical area despite repeated referee warnings.

• A parent runs up and down the sideline screaming at his child even though the coach and referee have asked him to stop.

• A parent demands that her child be placed on the same team with her friends and wants to speak with someone else to fix the problem.

SOMEONE MAKES THREATS; IS DISRUPTIVE AND/OR ABUSIVE

When situations or conflicts escalate, and someone makes threats or is abusive, Regions must intervene for the safety and protection of others. These individuals should be afforded the opportunity to understand that their behavior is not conducive to a safe haven and provided the opportunity to respond to claims of abusive behavior. The circumstances surrounding the incident must be documented on an AYSO Incident Report. Examples include:

• U-8 parent threatens to punch a referee over call at a game.

• Coach instructs player to “take-down” an opposing goal keeper.

• Coach instructs goal keeper to let in a goal for seeding in a tournament.

• Parent threatens to sue over her right to “coach” her child on Silent Saturdays based on freedom of speech.

SOMEONE VIOLATES AYSO GOVERNING RULES/COMMITS ILLEGAL ACT

There are some issues that simply cannot be ignored without jeopardizing the safety and integrity of the program, requiring immediate action and documentation of the incident. Incidents of this type usually require a disciplinary review process of some kind. More examples can be found at the AYSO Incident Report.

• Coach adds new player without a signed Player Registration Form.

• Board Members pick their own team at team formation meeting.

• Parent refuses to stop smoking on touchline.

• Spectator violates Kid Zone®.

• Coach gives alcohol to any player.

• Coach tells player to remove cast before arriving at field.

• Female coach takes 19U boys team to an out-of-state tournament without appropriate male supervision.

PREVENTION

The easiest way to deal with difficult situations is to prevent them. And the key to preventing difficult situations is a strong communication strategy designed to set expectations and to provide participants with contacts for questions and issues. Sample communications and prevention strategies include:

• Parent Handbook and/or Parent Contract (something they have to sign.).

• A Parent’s Guide to AYSO (Available from the Supply Center.)

• Training and Certification (coaches, referees, board members and staff)

• Use of Kids Zone®

• Newsletters/websites/other forms of communication.

In the end, when dealing with difficult people, try some of these basic techniques to defuse the conflict:

• Maintain or enhance their self-esteem.

• Listen and respond with empathy.

• Get them involved.

• Make procedural suggestions.

• Turn the one who is in conflict into a partner of the solution.

Remember to:

• Use key communication styles appropriately - face to face conversation, telephone call, email, formal written letter, etc.

• Be positive and patient.

• Focus on the problem, NOT the person.

• Keep an open mind.

• Explore all alternatives for resolving the conflict.

• Try to understand the other person’s point of view.

• Seek the other person’s ideas.

• End on a positive note and follow through with any commitments.

Try to avoid:

• Pre-judging people.

• Assuming you have all the facts.

• Focusing on the other person’s attitude, personality, or presumed motive.

• Meeting practical needs at the expense of personal needs.

• Reacting immediately or when on an emotional high.

• Taking things said personally.

• Cutting the other person off.

• Disrespecting the other person.

• Raising your voice.